Drinking Game Points:

• Yves is seen walking down the hall, silhouetted, hips swingin' - in the museum (1)
• Langly can't hack something, needs help from Kimmy - Can't hack into the server containing the info for Romeo 61 (1)
• Meaningful glance between Yves and Jimmy - at the end, when Yves realizes Jimmy will do anything for her (1)
• The gunmen are wearing their all-black sneakster suits (1)

Total Points: a measly 4

The Lone Gunmen

Episode #12 (1AEB12)
All About Yves

First aired: May 11, 2001

At the Georgetown Plaza Hotel in Washington D.C., lounge music is playing quietly--it's cocktail hour, and a man and a woman are hitting it off at the bar. She is hanging off his every word, because, as he explains, he works for the Government--National Security. As he describes how dangerous his job is, she tells him she can keep a secret, and he responds by quietly removing his wedding ring and putting it in his pocket. He explains that he is actually a Man in Black, and that his life is really very lonely. She agrees to join him upstairs, but, as he reaches for his wallet to pay the bill--his wedding ring falls onto the bar with a gentle *ping* and she beats a hasty retreat. Frustrated, our man at the bar heads to his car, but just as he is about to open the door, a white light shines down on him from above. When he comes to, he's naked in an alien torture chair. He's understandably distressed, and when an alien comes in to give him the once-over, he explains that he's MIB, "Majestic 12." But the alien is more interested in applying the nose probe. When the MIB promises the alien anything to escape the torture, the alien asks to know what "Maharon" is. The Man in Black responds that Marahon is a codename for the photon aggregate technology that the MIB "borrowed" from the aliens, getting it off the Roswell ship. The alien re-applies the nose-probe with the instructions "Tell us everything."

Moments later, the VW Microbus races down the back highways, the boys inside are in high spirits. Frohike removes the alien mask he was wearing, and Byers can't believe they managed to get a scoop on an honest-to-goodness Man in Black. Their bravado is cut short, however, when they encounter their own bright light--in the form of a military barricade. Soldiers rush forward, guns drawn, and things look pretty grim for the boys.

The boys are dragged out of the van and lined up on the road, hands in the air, down on their knees, execution-style, while their van is searched. The Man in Black pulls up and greets them. One of the soldeirs asks what should be done with the prisoners, and the MIB instructs the soldiers to shoot them all in the back of the head. The soldiers take aim, but the MIB stops them, asking them how they managed to find him. After some hard-handed persuasion, the Gunmen crack, explaining that they got an anonymous email, backtraced to some military server named "Romeo 61." As soon as that name is mentioned, the Man in Black becomes visibly alarmed, and calls the dogs off the boys, taking off at high speed.

Enlisting the help of a very tired and cranky Kimmy, the Gunmen set out to discover just what Romeo 61 is. Kimmy, though he insults everyone in the room, does manage to crack into the defense department. Langly suggests cracking the server to backtrace the mail to the server it originated from. This proves successful, and Kimmy pulls up the file on Romeo 61 (File Access Ref. No: 53421), but there is no department. Byers insists that Kimmy open the file, and a listing of dates and places comes up: including:

1. 05/14/01: Los Angeles, CA
2. 05/04/01: Washington DC
3. 07/27/96: Atlanta GA
4. 07/17/96: Mew York
5. 12/21/95: London
6. 04/19/93: Waco, TX
7. 02/26/93: New York, NY
8. 06/05/89: Beijing,
9. 03/24/89: Alaska
10. 12/21/88: Lockerbie, Scotland
11. 01/28/86: Cape Canaveral
12. 06/23/85: Toronto
13. 09/23/83: Lebanon
14. 09/15/82: Monaco
15. 12/09/80: New York, NY
16. 03/28/79: Harrisburg
17. 12/20/78: Beijing
18. 11/21/78: Jonestown
19. 12/26/77: Switzerland
20. 10/12/72: Vancouver, Canada
21. 09/06/72: Munich
22. 05/05/80: Ohio
23. 11/21/68: Ottowa, Canada
24. 10/27/68: Wales
25. 02/10/67: Richmond, VA
26. 11/10/65: New York
27. 11/22/63: Dallas
28. 07/28/52: Buenos Aires

Jimmy notices Atlanta, 7/27/96 and remembers that was the summer Olympics. Byers checks--that was the date of the Olympic Park bombing. Alaska, 3/24/89, was the wreck of the Exxon Valdez. Harrisburg, 3/28/79 was the date of the Three Mile Island disaster. Lockerbie Scotland in 12/21/88 was the date the Pan Am flight was brought down by a terrorist bombing. Lebanon saw the Marine Barracks bombed on 9/23/83. Beside each date and location is a message: "Successful." Could each of these acts have been the work of a single shadow government group? At this point, Kimmy freaks out and takes off, making sure to wipe his fingerprints off the keyboard first. Frohike can't help but notice that the dates and places go back for decades... at last spotting 11/22/63: Dallas--Kennedy's assassination. The boys are like kids in a candy store, but Jimmy wonders if maybe they shouldn't look any further into it, but the boys aren't really interested in caution at this point. But they do want to know more about Romeo 61, and so they are left to ask--who really knows about this organization?

Our man in black is again putting the moves on another woman at the bar, and having a bit more success than with the last one. He convinces her to join him for some time alone. Arriving back in the hotel room, he expresses dismay to learn that there are missing champaign glasses. That surprise turns to shock when Frohike, wearing the hotel's bathrobe and carrying the glasses in his fingers, greets the two of them and gives them a playful kiss. Turned off, the woman leaves, and the Man in Black promises to exact vengeance on the Gunmen. But they aren't easily scared, they figure this Man in Black needs their help with regards to Romeo 61. At this point, Byers refers to the Man in Black by his actual name (those of you who didn't know who he was from the "Dreamland" series on the X-Files), and tells Mr. Fletcher that they can help him. Fletcher tries to play it cool--he knows about The Lone Gunmen, and isn't particularly impressed with it. When he laughs them off once again they threaten to leave, and it works. Fletcher invites them in.

Jimmy has called Yves and asked to meet with her. He explains that he's worried about the guys--that they're getting involved in uncovering a secret group of government assassins, and that they're working with Fletcher. Yves shares his concern and tells Jimmy that he has to do everything in his power to get them off the story, but she can do nothing to help herself.

Back in the hotel room, Fletcher explains that Romeo 61 is a group of unknown individuals who kill, torture and steal for no discernable reason. But, he has bigger problems. It seems that he has a to present information at a meeting on Friday (the Maharon Project--3 points to Frohike) and the information that he needs to present has been stolen--and he will be killed if it is discovered that he doesn't have it. At this point he drops a hint that the woman who stole it could be none other than Yves Adele Harlow, and when he gives her name, Darva Loy Welsch, and Langly gets on it. Meanwhile, Fletcher relates how, while trolling for chicks in the bar, he met up with this beautiful exotic woman and charmed her into coming upstairs with him. Unfortunately, she put a knockout film on her neck, and when he came to, she was gone. Langly confirms that Darva Loy Welsh is a close anagram to Lee Harvy Oswald (if you add a couple of E's), and when Fletcher asks if they know her, Frohike explains that "they've had dealings with her." When Byers asks what all of this has to do with Romeo 61, Fletcher makes it abundantly clear that she is in fact, a member.

Back at H.Q., the Gunmen are trying to reach Yves. Not only is she not answering her cell phone, but she's also gone so far as to cancel the account. They can't get the billing address from her account, since she's managed to get Martha Stewart Living to pick up her tab. Jimmy is upset to see Fletcher in their innersanctum. The Gunmen find out that Jimmy told Yves about their plans, and get a little upset with him for that detail. Jimmy is indignant when they explain that they believe Yves is a member of Romeo 61, and Langly hauls off on Jimmy that, while they've never known Yves to kill anyone, they do know that she is self-serving and opportunistic.

Speaking of Yves, she's busy leaving a forged voice message on the machine of someone with an awfully familiar voice. Borrowing Frohike's voice, she arranges a clandestine meeting, instructing the machine to call (240)555-0106 to set up the details.

Back at the hotel, Jimmy is reluctantly being towed along as the Gunmen backtrack Yves. When the valet lets them know where she was headed initially (North on Wisconsin), they tap into all of the different security cameras en route to trace the movement of our Ms. Harlow across town. She makes a left on O street, a right on 35th, down Resevoir, finally pulls into a hotel. They find her room, with a Do Not Disturb sign hung on the door. Hacking open the lock (against Jimmy's continued protests), Langly cautions them not to go rushing in--and checks for booby-traps. Sure enough, there's a tension wire just beyond the door, and Frohike hands Langly a pair of wire cutters to dispatch the trap with. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work, and as a self-satisfied Langly pushes open the door, he's hit full in the face by a high-velocity paint ball carrying bright blue dye.

Inside the hotel room, Jimmy is starting to get really pissed off at the boys, and Langly is on a very short fuse because the dye is not coming off and he looks like Smurfette. Jimmy tries to get it through to the boys that they are looking for the truth that was handed to them by a man that they know to be a liar. Langly flies off the cuff, telling him that if he doesn't like it he can leave, and that's just what Jimmy does. The boys don't find a disk, but they do find an account receipt for Concerned Financial, no name on the account other than Fenix Atlantic Corporation but it has yesterday's date, and an opening balance of USD10,130,000. Byers concludes that they have the disk, and this is Yves's payment.

Over at the Smithsonian Institution's Ancient Artifacts Department, Yve heads towards back desk and explains to the clerk that she is researching Etruscan pottery and would like to see their new acquisition. She could have handled it better, not only making steady eye contact, but winking a number of times, still, it does the trick and he lets her back, and begins to berate her for not letting him in on her latest exploits, the Octium Chip, the water-powered-car, etc, etc. But Yves isn't interested in selling, because she's pissed that he's leaked her identity to certain individuals. She leaves in a huff, but someone is following her.

Back at Gunmen H.Q., Jimmy is packing up his things and preparing to bid the boys adieu, when an email comes through on Langly's machine:

Boys:
Couldn't reach you at your phone number just now. Can't make it. How about 10 o'clock at the parking deck, 14th and K?

Jimmy, confused, checks the email address, and figures that the "Fox" must be Yves.

It's 8:27p.m. outside the Fenix Atlantic Corporation in Washington, D.C. The Gunmen are checking the place out from the safety of the van. Langly has hacked into the floorplan and security system of the facility, and is a tad alarmed. According to the floorplan, a massive data storage vault resides in the basement of the building--sixteen stories down. The Gunmen, intruiged, wonder just what kind of data could be stored down there--and Langly determines it must be nothing less than "the motherload." Fletcher has found happiness in mocking the fact that his face is still bright blue. Langly breaks it down: there's a facial-recognition access system. If the face scanned doesn't match a face in the file, the person trying to gain entry is locked in. And unfortunately, the file is read-only, so the Gunmen can't just add their face to the database. However, Langly's complexion offers the key to getting inside: since his face would read as invisible because the software would scan his face as a chromakey. If his facial features were blue, and the only points that stood out happened to match the points specified in the ROM file, he could get in.

It's 9:16 p.m. at the parking deck at 14th and K. Yves is waiting for Mulder to show, with no luck. as a station wagon passes by, she notices that she is being watched from afar by a man in a Jaguar. Quickly darting into her car, she peels out, and is quickly followed by the man in the Jag, just as Jimmy pulls up. Unfortunately, Jimmy doesn't know that Yves is in trouble. So he shouts an angry epithet at the man and proceeds to park.

Yves is hauling ass through downtown D.C. Jag man is hot on her tail, and she can't seem to escape him. in a last-ditch effort, she pulls into an alley and parks. Jag man pulls in, but she's not in her car. Instead, she comes up from behind and taps her handgun against the window. He doesn't do anything, so she shoots out his front tire and taps again. When he opens the window, she puts the gun to his neck, and he explains that he has a message for her: People she cares about will die that night if she doesn't come with him. Her reply is: she doesn't care about anyone. To this, he hands her a copy of The Lone Gunmen and suggests they take her car. Yves shoots out his other tire and takes off.

Byers has finished putting the finishing touches on Langly. They've uniformly applied the blue paint to his face, and then affixed fifteen red dots at key points to his features that will match up precisely with the same points the security system assigned to one of the Romeo 61 members, and entry will be gained. While Fletcher declines to participate, Frohike begins to paint up Byers.

It's 10:06 p.m. back at the parking garage, and Jimmy is hanging out, looking for Yves. Getting out of his car to have a look around, he runs into none other than Fox Mulder. After a few moments of awkwardness, Mulder asks Jimmy if he knows a guy named Frohike, and Jimmy setting himself up for one of Mulder's offhand comments, explains that yes, he knows a guy named Frohike. Mulder introduces himself, and Jimmy gets a little excited at finally meeting Mulder, but Mulder brings him down to earth and suggests that the two of them figure out what's going on.

Outside of the Fenix Atlantic Corporation, Fletcher gets a call from the Jag man, and lets him know that the trap is being baited as they speak. The Gunmen have bypassed the keypad entry to get into the building. He shouts an encouraging word their direction and then continues his phonecall. The men head in to the Fenix Atlantic Corporation, and the gate closes behind them.

Back at Gunmen H.Q., Jimmy herds Kimmy into the room, and, relying on the timehonored tradition of the Jocks being a threatening presence to geeks everywhere, makes it very clear to Kimmy that oh yes, he will help him find the Gunmen. Jimmy explains that Mulder was given a number to call Frohike at, a number Jimmy never saw for Frohike. So, he wants Kimmy to track down the owner of the number. It turns out that it bills to Martha Stewart Living. Jimmy clicks to and figures that it's really Yves, and that she was going to give the disk she took from Fletcher to Mulder. Yves arrives with the disk, and hands it to Jimmy, entrusting him with the duty of safely seeing it to Agent Mulder. Sitting down at the computer, she proceeds to do her stuff. Jimmy is curious about the contents of the disk, figuring it must be the Maharon project. Yves explains that it's a detailed list of alien abductees, including reports on disinformation and standard procedure. Romeo 61 was nothing more than the perfect bait to lure the Gunmen into a trap set for her.

Meanwhile, back at the Fenix Atlantic Corporation, the boys have made it through a series of deadbolts and into the facial recognition booth. Byers goes in first, and is scanned correctly.

Yves is coming up with nothing trying to gather information about Jag man. She relinquishes the chair to Kimmy. While Kimmy hacks, she explains that Morris wants his disk back, but he's been working for someone who has been trying to get his hands on her for quite some time. Manticore? She won't say. At any rate, she's not giving herself up, so unless they find the boys, the boys will die. Meanwhile, Frohike and Langly have successfully gained access to the system. Kimmy is having no luck, and Jimmy explains to Yves that the last time he saw the boys was at her hotel room at the Bishop Place. Yves reply is that she didn't keep a room at the Bishop Place. Kimmy gets to work cracking the billing file for the hotel. The suite was billed to none other than the Fenix Atlantic Corporation.

The boys have made it down to the vault area. The room is stainless steel, with nothing but a conference table and a vault door. Yves and Jimmy arrive at the Fenix Atlantic Corporation, discovering the VW Microbus empty, they determine that the boys are probably inside. Jimmy decides that he's going to go in, since the bad guys are after Yves, not him. Of course it's naive--but hey--it's Jimmy. Yves lets him think it's a really good plan, calling Kimmy over, she kisses Jimmy on the cheek and then she shoots him in the side with her knock-out gun. She tells Kimmy to take Jimmy home, and to stay there. Alone, Yves heads into the building.

Downstairs, the boys are having no luck opening the vault door--and are getting alarmed because Langly's schematics showed a completely different type of door--one with a control panel. Gradually, it dawns on the boys that maybe this was all a set-up, but before they can act on this revelation, the elevator begins to descend, and the boys are trapped. The door opens, and Fletcher walks in with his goon squad, he's got Yves in tow, and things are looking pretty grim.

By the way, the episode ends with a "To Be Continued."

Hardware: Yves's laptop is one of the new widescreen Mac Titanium G4s. Langly's laptop is running a Linux-Gnome platform, although the brand of computer is indeterminable.

Media: The song being played during the chase scene and the security-camera track was "Weapon of Choice" by Fat Boy Slim.

Pop-Culture Points: The title of the episode was a spin on the classic 1950 Joseph L. Mankiewicz movie "All About Eve" starring Bette Davis. For those who did not watch the X-Files, the opening scene was a spoof of the last episode of Season 7 (Requiem) when Mulder was abducted, and the first episodes of Season 8 (Within and Without) when he was tortured. Watch the boys' eyes and the way they move once they enter the Fenix Atlantic Corporation--they are deadpan spoofs of the Blue Man Group, percussive entourage and Pentium Spokespeople. When the boys are having their faces scanned, their images were being matched up to pictures of the show's writers. Those matchups are:
Byers: John Shiban
Frohike: Vince Gilligan
Langly: Frank Spotnitz

The Gunmen wouldn't have been so eager to believe that Yves was a member of Romeo 61. While she has thrown them a couple of loops, they have spent far too much time working with her to believe that she's an international terrorist on the word of a man who nearly had them all shot in the back of the head. Even if they did suspect her, they wouldn't have worked with Fletcher to bring her in--they would have looked into on their own. Because while they aren't sure if they can trust Yves, they certainly knew they couldn't trust Fletcher.

I'm not sure a man who refuses to have his image bounced off a satelite would not leave his email client running outside of his presence, especially without password protection.

Mulder's email address was Fox2001. Mulder would have never used the name Fox in his email address. Marty, maybe. AgentSpooky, maybe. But not Fox.

To dispell a Plot Hole myth: The Gunmen would not have remembered Fletcher from the Dreamland eps, so one can't use that as a valid argument about why they wouldn't have helped him in the first place. The end of Dreamland found everyone more or less back at the beginning, remembering nothing, as if nothing had happened (except for Mulder's apartment).