Drinking Game Points:

• Jimmy does something smart - orders the Rum and Coke (CHUG!)
• Someone is shot - Jeff in the beginning (1)
• One of the Gunmen should logically be dead by the end of the episode - Jimmy was so dead as soon as he called himself the Assistant Director of the FBI! (1)
• The van is abused in some way, shape, or form - Impounded! (1)
• Langly can't hack something, needs help from Yves - getting the picture of the Russian Mob Boss from the still (1)
• Jimmy and Yves act the couple - they were awfully close in that crawl space! (1)
• Scatological humor - the dog humping Langly's leg (1)

Total Points: 7

The Lone Gunmen

Episode #11 (1AEB09)
The Lying Game

First aired: May 4, 2001

It's 9:19 P.M at the Club Tamarind in Wilmington, Delaware. Mr. Memory is onstage, wowing the audience with the fact that he can recite the area of Malawi 45,747 square miles (118,484 km²), and the unit of currency is the Kuacha. As he proceeds to answer the next question from the audience ("What is the highest price paid for a pop star's article of clothing" -- The Afghan coat worn by John Lennon on the cover of the Beatle's Magical Mystery Tour album in 1967, which went for £34,999), a grey-haired man joins two men sitting at a table. One of the men greets him with a hug and the European "peck on both cheeks." In a heavy Russian accent, he sings the praises of Mr. Memory, who is currently listing the longest rivers in the world (The Nile: 4,165 miles, The Amazon: 4,000 miles, The Yangtzee, 3,740 miles, the Mississippi 3,750 -- among others). The man with the Russian accent points to a man in glasses over at the bar, asking the grey-haired man who he is, that glasses man has been asking about him. Grey haired man excuses himself from the table and heads over to the bar. Glasses boy is acting pretty smug, asking grey-haired man (whom he addresses as Larry), if he will buy him another Jack and Coke. Larry insists that he be addressed as Mr. Rose. Glasses boy then lays it down, he knows stuff about Larry that his wife wouldn't want to know... hint... hint... and will keep quiet for $2000. Larry instructs Glasses boy to count to ten and then follow him into the men's bathroom. The Russians are watching the scene carefully, and Glasses boy walks into the bathroom. Unfortunately, Larry Rose is nowhere to be seen, instead, Glasses boy is ambushed by a very angry Assistant Director of the FBI that some might recognize from another Fox TV show. Back at the table, the Russian men become alarmed when they hear two shots coming from them men's bathroom. A waiter rushes to the men's room, and inside is Glasses boy, dead in a pool of his own blood.

Jimmy is delivering a monologue about the phenomenon of the Helmet. It seems that Jimmy has just learned about this keen literary device known as "the metaphore" and is eager to put it to good use, so he talks about how people go through life wearing an invisible football helmet, that protects them, but ensures that other people never see who they truly are.

Case in point, the Gunmen are about to publish their latest issue (Headline: Lick It, Stick It and Trip). Frohike is convinced that they are going to win the Pulitzer for this bit of crack reporting (no pun intended. Well, maybe just a little). Langly reminds Jimmy to pony up the money to publish the paper, this week it comes to $1,581. As Jimmy takes off to pick up the papers, Frohike and Langly contemplate what happened to Byers--since he didn't come home the night before. As Jimmy heads for the Jimmy-mobile, he finds himself hindered by the repo man who has his black Thunderbird up on on the bed of a truck. Jimmy is a little upset about this, when Byers pulls into the alley and introduces him to Carol Strode. With Carol's help, they're going to catch a murderer.

Carol explains to Langly and Frohike (who are really, really sympathetic) that she and her brother Jeff hadn't spoken for a couple of years, but four days ago in a Delaware nightclub he was murdered, and the police don't have any suspects. Not to mention his body was "accidentally" cremated. When Langly and Frohike ask how Carol came to know Byers, Carol gives Byers a very stern look and explains that Byers used to room with Jeff in college. Before more can be said on the matter, Byers hands Langly and Frohike an email that Carol received from Jeff three days after his death:

Carol - if you're reading this, I'm dead. In all likelihood I've been murdered, owing to the huge number of people I've pissed off in the past four years.
Big surprise, huh?
The website below will reveal the identity of my killer
www.10313.com

Unfortunately, the server hosting the site has been wiped completely clean.

The Gunmen head over to the Tamarind Club to check out the scene of the crime. As a result of the bathroom smelling really bad, they decide not to do a very thorough search, but before they leave, none other than Mr. Memory himself comes out of one of the stalls. Jimmy recognizes him at once. Mr. Memory remembers him from Hicksville, Long Island, April 4, 1999, 8:00 show. After Jimmy quizzes Mr. Memory on just how much he remembers, Carol steps up and asks him if he could tell them what he remembers about her brother, handing him a picture. Mr. Memory only knows that the man was murdered, but Jimmy, taking the picture, realizes that Mr. Memory is wearing the exact same glasses as Jeff. Mr. Memory gets a little vague, claiming he doesn't really recall where he got the glasses, but on further questioning, admits that he found them behind the toilet. Frohike removes the glasses and discovers a tiny wire coming from the back of ear-cuffs.

Larry Rose is walking the dog with his beautiful blonde wife, who insists that he is going to be the one scooping up the dog's business from then on out, which upsets Rose because the dog seems to really enjoy making #2 (hey, it's a Shi Tzu, get it?). Skinner emerges from the bushes, to voice his displeasure at having to take care of Jeff. Fruhman hasn't contacted Rose again, because he's the cautious type. Before leaving, Skinner lets Larry know that his computer has been confiscated, and he no longer has internet service.

The Gunmen have parked over at the Bay Point Marina in Wilmington, Delaware, explaining to Carol that the glasses she's holding are actually a camera, using fiber-optics and a single-chip pickup. Frohike and Langly are trying to one-up each other on just how they managed to track the signal from that pair of glasses to the Boy Point Marina, where Jeff was going by the alias Jack Johnson. Inside the residence of Jack Johnson, Langly is trying to hack the server that Jeff's computer was running, but has come up with a clean system. As Carol loses hope, Jimmy notices a strange blinking light coming from the vent. Aliens? No... Jeff has hooked up a remote CPU backup and hidden it in the vent. Clever little monkey. After hooking up the CPU to the new computer, Langly is able to hack in and they discover that Jeff was keeping a "dirty laundry list." There are little thumbnails of compressed video files, which shows Jeff receiving payoffs for what Carol can only assume is blackmail. Frohike tells Langly to pull up the file datestamped for Jeff's death. Langly complies, and as the video plays, they're back in the Tamarind Club's men's bathroom. Unfortunately, the don't get a very clear shot of the scuffle, but, on a frame-by-frame playback, they get one good clear shot of Skinner's face before the glasses are directed towards the floor.

The boys waste no time in slapping together their next edition (they don't bother to ask Jimmy what happened to the last edition, which, presumably, he never got to the printers'). The headline: "FBI Director Implicated in Murder." Well... he's not really the Director. He's really the Assistant Director. But whatever. Byers isn't really feeling great about the story. Despite the fact that Frohike and Langly feel they have hard evidence, Byers rips up the cover and stalks off to his room in a huff. He's convinced they don't have the whole story. Frohike takes off after, and we get to see Byers's Japanese Minimalist bedroom. They have a heart-to-heart, and Byers adamantly denies that his reluctance does not stem from the implications the story could have on Carol and her family. Before Frohike can ask any more questions, the door buzzer indicates that Yves has arrived, and she's prepared to do a little hacking for the good fight. Yves was able to analyze the thumbnail Byers sent her, and, taking a tiny back corner of the thumbnail and bumping up the resolution--she recognizes the Russian man at the table as Ara Fruhman, the Russian Mob Boss. Yves insinuates that maybe Skinner is working for the Russian Mafia. Byers is a little skeptical, but Jimmy, always the sage, decides that since Jeff disappeared after finding Skinner in the bathroom, Skinner must be working for Fruhman.

It's 2:48p.m. in downtown Wilmington. Rose is waiting in an alley as a car with tinted windows pulls up. Fruhman is a little upset that Rose shot a man in his favorite club. But, Fruhman lets Rose know that the chances of them doing business is looking good.

Jimmy continues the football metaphore, and the boys follow Skinner all the way from D.C. to Banning Park in Wilmington. The Microbus pulls up not far behind, and Byers instructs Carol to stay put in the van, and Langly shows her that he's borrowed the camera off of her brother's glasses and re-routed the feed to the monitor in the Mobile News Unit. The Gunmen head off into the brush with the glasses and a listening device. Skinner and Rose are meeting, and Rose lets the little Shi Tzu off the leash. The dog proceeds to head over to the bushes where the Gunmen are hidden and hump Langly's leg. Meanwhile, the car with the tinted windows pulls into the park's lot and out steps Mr. Fruhman. Carol is a little alarmed and disregards Byers's instructions, leaving the Van to head over to Fruhman's car. Skinner and Rose finish talking and Skinner heads off, but Byers insists that they stay with Rose. Because Byers is the one in the suit, they agree, but they are spotted by Skinner, who isn't too happy to see them. Meanwhile, Mr. Rose has returned to his car, only to be surprised by Fruhman's thug, who takes him to the car, where Fruhman is sitting in the backseat with Carol. Fruhman is a little pissed off at having found this woman snooping around.

Jimmy's been trying to contact the boys with no luck, and he's starting to get concerned. Yves can find no evidence of what happened to the boys, but at Jimmy's suggestion, she is able to determine that the VW Bus was impounded less than an hour ago. Before they can act on this information, though, there comes a very stern pounding at the door, and the closed-circuit camera shows an FBI swat team outside--they're pretty determined to get inside. Quickly, Yves and Jimmy head for the crawl-space.

The Gunmen, meanwhile, are being detained in an FBI safehouse. Skinner comes in, holding a copy of their most recent publication. Skinner wants to know the 411 on the article, but Frohike and Langly aren't very forthcoming because they figure he's just going to kill them the way he killed Jeff. Without a word, Skinner leaves, and returns with a very alive Jeff. Jeff vaguely remembers Byers, indicating that maybe Jeff and Byers didn't really room together in college. Skinner explains that the all three of them (and Jeff makes four) have interfered with a FBI sting operation, and put an undercover agent in danger. Byers tries to explain to Skinner that they were investigating Jeff's murder. Jeff then relates how he discovered a married man having a fling with a woman in an internet chat room. It turns out that both he and his "wife" are undercover FBI agents and the woman he's been seeing online is his actual wife. So he decides to profit off of it. How he came to know about the plutonium deal is anyone's guess, but that's what's going down: Fruhman is willing to sell post cold-war Russian plutonium on the black market, and Skinner is trying to stop this deal from going through. Unfortunately, because Skinner was too busy detaining the Gunmen, he's now lost track of Rose. Witnesses claim that they saw Fruhman leave with Rose and a woman--Carol.

Jimmy and Yves pick up the microbus, and Yves tries to keep Jimmy's hopes up, because Jimmy is convinced Skinner offed the Gunmen. As Jimmy leaves the van, the monitor in the Mobile News Unit blinks on, and Langly's lips are seen mouthing a message to Jimmy that the boys are okay. Langly is trying to convey that they are in an FBI safehouse in Minquadale, Delaware, and that Fruhman has Carol. Skinner arrives back to let them know that Carol is all right, and that they will get her back safe and sound when the deal goes down that night, but his first priority is the plutonium. After Skinner leaves, Jeff begins to berate Carol for seeking the Gunmen's help (of all people!). Byers fires back that it's Jeff's fault Carol is in trouble--but there's something not quite right about the conversation. You see, instead of referring to Carol in the feminine third person, they're referring to her in the masculine third person, calling Carol "he." Langly and Frohike become a little alarmed, and Jeff explains that Carol used to be Carl, and it was Carl who roomed with Byers in college.

The plot thickens and things look bad for Carol, because a few years back, no one by the name of Carol Strode existed, and you know those paranoid Russians!

Back at Gunmen H.Q., Jimmy is really, really upset. He's convinced that the boys are dead, and that Skinner killed them because he's working for the Russian Mob. Jimmy goes into revenge mode.

Byers is trying to convince the FBI agent that it's important to let Skinner know that Carol is in some serious danger as a result of her former identity as a man, but he's not very concerned for her. Langly's a little pissed off that Byers wasn't forthcoming about Carol's secret--after all, he let Langly and Frohike hit on her without saying a word. Oh yeah, and now she's in danger. However, the important issue at hand is that the Gunmen are trying to figure out how they're going to get out of the holding cell to save her. Frohike figures he could get the mesh off the window if the camera wasn't on them.

Back at the Club Tamarind it's 10:17p.m. and Skinner is giving one last run-through with Rose in the surveilance van parked outside. They have an agent at the bar, and if there's a problem, Rose is to order a Rum and Coke. But, it turns out that Skinner and Rose are also being surveiled. Yves confirms their presence to Jimmy--who is made up to be a perfect copy of Skinner. Jimmy's really excited to put Skinner away, maybe a little too happy.

In the safehouse security control room, the monitor to the room with the Gunmen fuzzes out, and then a 1950's courtroom drama takes its place. By the time the agent gets to the room, the grate's been opened, and the boys are long gone.

In the Club Tamarind, Mr. Memory is reciting a complete list of all hot peppers found in the world, and also the name and location of the largest igloo in the world. Carol and Rose are escorted in an seated. Fuhrman doesn't have the plutonium on him, seeing as how the lead casing is over 80 kilograms, but it is close by. One of his men then produces a sample, a tiny pellet encased in a little gun-like aparatus which will fire the pellet straight into Rose with compressed air if anything goes wrong. Rose is trying to play it cool. Just then, none other than Walter Skinner walks in and waves happily, and joins them and has a seat. He starts chatting up a storm, wants to know who they plan to kill next, wants more money, you know, for being the Assistant Director of the FBI and taking on the menial role of hitman for these guys--he feels he's entitled to a little more compensation. Needless to say, Fuhrman is none too pleased with the sitation, and Rose is downright shocked. Quickly, a waiter comes over to ask them if they want anything to drink, and Skinner/Jimmy orders a Cuba Libre. The waiter suggests maybe a rum and Coke, and Skinner/Jimmy, happily shouts out "Rum and Coke!" prompting a dozen FBI agents to storm in, guns drawn. As the area is swept for radiation, Rose notices Skinner on his way out of the club--and is a little confused--but keeps walking. As Jimmy explains to Carol that he's really Jimmy and not Skinner, in walks Walter himself, who is a little surprised at seeing his exact double standing in the bar. Carol, meanwhile, looks around to see Jeff, and she runs up to hug him, and Jeff apologizes. As Skinner sizes up his double, the Gunmen walk in, and Jimmy, really exicted runs over and gives them a big hug. He then removes the voice-altering retainer, and apologizes to Skinner, who removes the lower part of Jimmy's makeup job. All is forgiven? Why not. The next headline reads: FBI Director Nails Plutonium Seller (Courageous Reporters Aid Case). It turns out that the Moscow Wire Service is paying the Gunmen 125,000 Roubles for the reprint rights, which translates to about $4,400. But, instead of paying for another couple issues, the Gunmen have used the money to pay to get Jimmy's car out of hock. Jimmy waxes poetic once again about the football helmet metaphore, and all is right with the world.

Hardware: The computer used to publish the "Lick It, Stick it and Trip" issue was running Pagemaker off of a Mac platform. Jeff's computer is pure graphic-reinterpretation. No such command as "detectFile."

Media: In the final scene, "Rum and Coca-Cola" by The Andrew Sisters is playing in the background.

Pop-Culture Points: The title of the episode is a reference to the 1992 Neil Jordan movie "The Crying Game" about a man who falls in love with a woman he doesn't realize is really a man.