Drinking Game Points:

• Gravity asserts its mastery over Langly - In the boat (2)
• Yves in Drag - Intro (1)
• One of the Gunmen should logically be dead by the end of the episode - a trained death squad assassin would have better aim, Langly would have gotten that switchblade right in the back of his head. (1)
• Langly is in a situation where he should vomit, but doesn't - discovering Morales's body (2)
• Meaningful glance between Yves and Jimmy - In the end, when they dance (1)
• Jimmy and Yves act the couple - Dancing together in the end (1)
• Byers has that cute, little-boy lost expression on his face - When Langly pitches over the back of the boat (1)
• Langly is mistaken for a girl - on the boat (1)

Total Points: 10

The Lone Gunmen

Episode #10 (1AEB10)
Tango De Los Pistoleros

First aired: April 27, 2001

The scene opens with the while hot spotlight shining down on Jimmy and a female dancer, who begin the first steps of the Tango together. Yves begins to narrate: "There is danger here, cause what appears to be love, is only sadness. This is the nature of the Tango. It is more than just a dance, some say it is a dialog between a man and a woman." The spotlight now shines on Byers, holding another female dancer in the dip. As they too begin to move to the sounds of the Tango, Yves continues: "Those who don't understand the Tango, view it as romantic expression of passionate love. The tango is a dance of loneliness, of isolation." Now, we see Langly pull a headphone out of his ear and turn to leave the Microbus. Fade back to the dance floor, where now, Frohike is dancing with a young (short) dancer. Yves narration proceeds: "The dancers move their lower bodies, remaining stiff from the waist up, eyes intense, but distant. It is the man who controls with his eyes, but it is the woman who is really in control." Fade back to Langly, making his way alone down a walkway. He stops and peers around a pole, and, after a quick take of Jimmy dancing, a switchblade flashes out. Langly checks his watch, and after a cut of Byers dancing, you see the a closeup of the switchblade as its owner walks quickly along. There is a cut of Frohike and the woman dancing, Yves continues on "In its most perfect form, The tango... is life, and the tango... is death." You see the knife go into poor Langly's back, and he falls down onto the pavement, bleeding profusely onto the stage, as the others dance around him.

It's 2:55 A.M. in Miami, Florida. On a pier, a bald man wearing black gloves checks his watch (not a smart thing in this episode), and falls over, having been shot in the back with a stun gun. Behind him stands his exact double, and as he speaks to deliver a pithy remark, it's Yves's voice. She pops a voice-altering retainer in her mouth and moves to clean up the body. During this time, unbeknownst to her, the Gunmen have her on a nightvision camera, and are watching her from the car. Frohike can't help but be a little impressed by the cold-blooded way she works. Jimmy isn't so happy about spying on Yves, but Frohike tries to explain that all's fair in love and war, and that it's payback time for all the times she's grabbed the money and ran. Byers assures Jimmy they have a right to the story, and Frohike agrees, saying the story has to be important for him to come to Miami for. They don't really have the opportunity to ask him what's so awful about Miami, because a boat is pulling up to dock. As the man steps off to meet the person he doesn't know is Yves, Jimmy signals to Langly that it's time to move in (Langly's codename is "Blowfish," and the Microbus is "Titanic.") We see frogman Langly, cleverly disguised by a headdress of floating styraphome garbage, swim up to the boat and board. On the pier, in Spanish, the one who just pulled up on the boat asks the one who he doesn't know is Yves if they are ready to do business, and [s]he answers in the affirmative. Langly is trying to figure out what he's looking for on the boat--and Byers tells him that whatever is being traded for was probably hidden in plain sight. As the deal proceeds to go down, Langly opens up the cooler and notes that there is a six-pack of German beer inside. Assuming that the boat's pilot wouldn't drink German beer, he proceeds to open up a cannister and unfortunately, it is indeed German beer, and it spritzes him in the face. He falls backwards, accidentally hitting the throttle on the boat, and as the boat takes off, Langly goes right over the edge, shrieking most femininely, right into the water. As the pilot of the boat moves forward to figure out what is going on, Yves backs off and makes a hasty retreat. I guess she used up her stun gun's batteries on the first guy.

The Gunmen arrive back at their motel, the "Gatorland Motor Court" (with free cable T.V!) to cut their losses. Frohike is ready to get out of Miami, but Langly is not particularly thrilled of backing out when he nearly killed himself for the story. Byers, too, thinks its time to cut their losses. Jimmy thinks that it's all karma for going in with the intention of screwing over Yves. As someone knocks at the door, Langly, still complaining that they need to find a way of getting back at Yves, answers it, only to find the woman herself behind it. She manhandles him most roughly, upset that he is still alive, and throws Frohike's automobile tracking device back at him. Byers tries to explain that they were hoping to get the story on her smuggler, and frankly, they wanted to get the reward money she was working for--for a change. Yves responds by pulling quite a considerable sum out of her bra and flinging it at them, telling them to get out of Miami, and that she never wants to see any of them again. Ever. She leaves, and Frohike starts counting up the money, figuring hey--they were leaving Miami anyway, now they've got cash to boot! But Langly can't be bought, he figures that she wouldn't throw money at them if the deal was off. Byers concurs, that the smuggled goods weren't on the smuggler's boat, they were on his person, and that means that the deal could still go through.

Over in a very well-appointed mansion in Star Island, Florida, The smuggler is meeting with the man that the tied-up man was originally supposed to deliver his smuggled goods to. The smuggler explains that he found the tied-up man "Cuccino" (standing right there, and very unhappy to be slandered so) incapacitated, and that the man had a twin brother, and there was a blonde woman on the boat. He thinks that Cuccino's twin and the blonde woman were working together. He then tells the rich man (Mr. Santavos) that he has come to complete the deal. Mr. Santavos beacons to Cuccino, who holds up a large sum of money to the smuggler, twice their original agreement, which will more than compensate for the boat and the trouble. The smuggler then hands him a CD in a clear jewel case. Mr. Santavos puts the CD into the CD player, and marriacci music begins to play. The smuggler is confused, why so much trouble for a friggin' tango CD? Mr. Santavos dismisses the man, and begins to dance. Cuccino again asserts that he has no twin brother, and that there are "loose ends that need to be tied." Mr. Santavos orders him to tie said loose ends, and as Cuccino leaves, Mr. Santavos continues to practice the tango.

Cutting to a dance practice, Mr. Santavos is now dancing with a beautiful blonde woman (not Langly) to the very music the smuggler handed to him, but she is not happy, as the woman tries to explain to the dance instructor that the moves do not go with the music, Yves arrives, surveying the area. Mr. Santavos can't help but notice Yves, and his dance partner can't help but notice he notices. Yves gives him her shy little smile, and signs in.

Back at the Gatorade motel, Frohike calls the boys away from a game of toilet-paper badminton to the computers, which are beeping most urgently. The face recognition software has picked up a positive ID on the smuggler, one Emanuel Morales, once known as inmate number 8837934, arrested once for armed robery and resisting arrest. Miami address.

What follows is a lot of cuts, so bear with me. Yves, in the waiting room, spritzes a pair of dance shoes that Mr. Santavos's partner then puts on. Cuccino casts a long shadow down an alleyway, and back in the dance hall, Yves and Santavos exchange looks, as a single black glove knocks on the door of apartment number 123. More meaningul glances between Yves and Santavos, and Morales opens the door to see Cuccino, who is in a killin' kind of mood. Quick cuts between the dancing, and Morales fighting off Cuccino, who begins by striking Morales across the face. As Cuccino struggles with Morales, Santavos's dance partner seems to be experiencing some difficulties with her foot. Cuccino breaks out the switchblade, stabbing Morales in the side, and on the dancefloor, Santavos's partner cries out in pain, as Yves looks casually on. Morales dies on the floor, as Cuccino removes his switchblade to survey his work, and Santavos's partner is lowered to the floor gently, as she reaches in agony towards her legs, where her feet are so swollen they threaten to break the straps of the shoes she is wearing. The Gunmen approach apartment number 123, only to discover Morales dead on the floor, a tiny little box with a skull on it sitting in the pool of blood collecing near his head.

At the dance studio, Mr. (Leonardo) Santavos's dance partner's feet have swollen quite nicely, and it's pretty clear she will be unable to dance with them looking like that. The paramedics wheel her away, and Mr. Santavos, with only two days to the competition, cuts in on Mr. Duncan, whose partner happens to be Yves. She expresses regret over his dance partner, and he takes it as an opportunity to reassure her that she was just his partner. She introduces herself as Vera Nado, and he wonders why she signs up for the beginner's class, when she's too good to be a beginner, and she understands the tango so well. He seems to have found his new partner for the dance competition.

Back in the Gator Lodge, Langly has hacked information on the little tiny box that they found next to Morales. They are the calling cards for the military junta of Argentina's death squad, "Los Calaveras," the skulls. Langly then hacked a human rights' database, and found the picture of Cuccino, who they identify as the man Yves was impersonating. Langly is then able to trace Cuccino back to Santavos, who was voted one of Dade county's top five businessmen of the year--an Argentine native, who has been under FBI surveilence for a while, suspected of smuggling for an international clientelle. Byers figures that they don't necessarily have to wait for the FBI to make their move--since Santavos is a competative tango dancer, who has entered numerous international competitions.

Yves arrives at the Santavos residence and notes the FBI agents outside the gate. She is greeted warmly by Santavos in his office, but then Cuccino arrives and calls him away. As Yves is left standing in the office, Santavos and Cuccino observe her from behind a two-way mirror. Yves places her purse up against the mirror, which is able to pick up Santavos's and Cuccino's conversation and transmit it to her earring. As they discuss whether or not she can be trusted, and the fact that the deal is supposed to go down on Saturday, Cuccino is instructed to find the blonde woman on the boat.

The microbus pulls up to the Academia du Baile Dance Instructionne studio, and Byers explains to Jimmy that entering the dance competition is the perfect way to get close to Santavos. Frohike stays behind with the van, claiming he doesn't trust the neighborhood. The Gunmen discover that Santavos's partner is none other than Vera Elyse Ledo, a sloppy anagram of Lee Harvey Oswald. As the Gunmen attempt to sign up for the competition, they are asked to qualify as first-time applicants. Unfortunately, the Gunmen can't really dance. After watching Byers try to disco, Jimmy doing some bizarre rodeo dance, and Langly doing a cartwheel, followed by the splits, the Gunmen exit the dance studio, no where near to being in the competition.

The Gunmen weren't even close to Santavos anyway--since he has been tutoring Yves in his private residence. As the two of them work on their moves together, Cuccino rifles through her purse and removes a small spray bottle. He sprays his hand, then returns the spray bottle to her purse. Yves is escorted to the door by Santavo, who is confronted by Cuccino, who has his hands behind his back. Cuccino reminds Santavos that she coincedentally appeared just as Carlotta's feet made her unable to compete. Cuccino then raises his own grossly swollen hand.

Langly is stretching out and complaining, and Frohike is using it as an excuse to convince them to get out of Dodge. There is a knock at the door, and Jimmy gets it, thinking its Yves. But it's not Yves... it's Kimmy! He's decided that since they called upon him for help, he would see if he couldn't work a Florida vacation out of them. Langly tries to explain that he only needed a consultation, not a house call, but Kimmy is there, and the only way he's going to share his findings is if the Gunmen make it worth his while. Byers offers him 10% of any reward money they happen upon, and Kimmy, satisfied, powers up. It turns out that Santavos has gotten his dirty little hands on some missile defense secrets. The U.S. Government has developed an alloy that is completely invisible to radar--absorbing all electromagnetic transmissions. The Gunmen, quickly realizing the dire situation at hand should the technology fall into the wrong hands, become alarmed because the only way to stop the information from changing hands is at the Tango contest, and none of them can get close to it because none of them know how to dance. It is then that Frohike speaks--he can get them into the contest.

Yves is practicing in Santavos's waiting room, when she is greeted by a very severe-looking Santavos and Cuccino. Santavos wants to have a look in her bag for the spray bottle. Producing the spray bottle in question, he asks her what it is, and she replies that it is perfume. Cuccino asks her to put it on if she could, and she does so. Santavos comes in for a long whiff, but Yves tells him to keep the perfume and makes an effort to leave, but Santavos begs her to stay, and Cuccino apologizes for making the mistake. Yves agrees to stay, palming the swelling agent in her other hand.

Down in Little Havana, in a cleaners, a woman sweats over the steam press. She looks up to a familiar figure silouhetted in the doorway, and she approaches Frohike, giving him a firm slap across the face. She starts to curse him out in Spanish, starting with "So the great 'El Lobo' returns!" Needless to say she's not too happy to see him. Frohike finds an old picture of the two of them on the mirror, but she rips it up, saying that it is nothing to her. She wants to know why he's come back. And, in very bad Spanish, he tells her they must dance.

Back at the Santavos residence, Leonardo is trying to apologize for the unnecessary search through the bag earlier. Santavos is trying to put the moves on Yves, telling her she would rather be alone than to be hurt again, and she seems to be buying it--at least a little bit. He likes her an awful lot. They continue dancing. Outside, Langly and Jimmy are spying on Santavos, and Jimmy seems to think that Yves isn't necessarily faking the whole thing. As Yves leaves, Langly calls to her from behind the fence. She tells him to get away before he's seen, but he can't help but twist the knife, letting her know just how much he's on to her, and then he takes off. As Yves turns around, she sees Cuccino standing in the doorway, he saw the whole thing.

Once again, Langly is manhandled by Yves. She's upset that they've given her identity away so completely. However, she's not the only one in trouble, because after Cuccino kills Yves, he'll be coming after Langly--the blonde woman on the boat. The deal, unfortunately, is now off, as the trade was supposed to happen at the dance competition that night. But, without a dance partner, Santavos will be unable to make the deal go through, and it will happen somewhere else--where all parties involved will be the wiser to her and the Gunmen. Byers determines that the best way for them to all be at the dance will be for Santavos to once again trust Yves. This does not bode well for Langly.

The Gunmen arrive at the dance competition at the Commodore Ballroom in Miami, with a video camera. The guard stops them--no cameras. Jimmy tries to explain that the great El Lobo has come to dance one last time, and that it's necessary to the documentary that he be filmed performing. The guard is not particularly sentimental in this matter, so Frohike greases his palm a little, and the boys are let in.

Yves arrives, and Santavos tells her he wishes she hadn't come. Yves hands Santavos a gun, telling him she will use it to kill Langly, because he wants her to betray Santavos, and she loves him. Cuccino is not as sentimental as Santavos, and tells her that not only will she kill the Langly, but he takes the gun and hands her his switchblade.

In the van, Langly and Kimmy are sending a series of faces through software that Langly stole from the FBI (and improved) -- facial recognition software used at the Super Bowl to catch wanted felons and potential troublemakers before they could do any harm. Langly tells Jimmy to keep the camera moving. The dance competition starts, and Nicholas von Getz and Nika Leon take the stage, and hand their CD to the D.J. As soon as the music starts, Langly takes his cue and exits the microbus--we've seen this before in the intro. More dancers on the stage, and Langly positions himself behind the poll, while Santavos watches the dance competition grimly. The switchblade flashes out and Yves stabs Langly in the back, dropping the switchblade and leaving. Now, she joins Santavos and the two take the stage. Jimmy is a little distracted, and the two start dancing. This goes on, as Kimmy continues to process the faces through the face recognition software. Just then, 'El Lobo' arrives with Ms. Nikita Juan-Dinardo. The crowd goes wild, and the two begin a very melodramatic Tango. Outside, Langly is trying to play dead as Cuccino retrieves the knife. Kimmy is laughing most heartily at Frohike's dancing, and gets a bit upset when Jimmy takes the camera away from his face for half a second. However, as a result of Jimmy's lax camerawork, a face is recognized by the computer--a known Lybian arms smuggler happens to be Nicholas von Getz. As Cuccino cleans up outside, he checks under Langly's shirt, only to find the squib pack that was used to fake the bleeding. Langly, realizing he's in serious hot water, shrieks and makes a run for it. Fortunately, his high-pitched screaming messes up Cuccino's aim, because as Cuccino throws the knife, it misses Langly and ends up in a palm tree. Inside, the floor is now open up the the battle of the tango, each couple dancing until they are tagged out by a judge. Cuccino arrives and surveys the crowd. Santavos nods to von Getz, who then intentionally drops his partner. As couple one is tagged out, Frohike takes notice, and when Jimmy informs them that von Getz took the CD for contestants 11 (Santavos), Frohike makes a bee-line for von Getz and, without missing a beat, snatches the cd from out of his hands. Yves tries to keep Santavos's attention on her, giving him a reassuring look, but Cuccino is less forgiving, and the switchblade comes out. Seeing that Cuccino is about to kill her, Santavos spins suddenly, taking the switchblade in his back. Yves is, understandably, upset that her dance partner sacrificed himself for her.

The police usher out von Getz and his partner, and Frohike says goodbye to his dance partner, swearing he will now, finally retire. The Gunmen (and Kimmy) are left alone in the dance hall with Yves, who is sitting alone at a table. It turns out there is no reward money. Langly is feeling the slightest tingling of remorse, and things maybe it would be a good idea to apologize, but Jimmy pulls him back. Jimmy is left alone with Yves, and he extends his hand to her, and she joins him for a dance. Of course, this might not be too bright since her last dance partner was stabbed in the back, but Jimmy doesn't seem to care. The two dance into the night, well, Yves dances. Jimmy just tries to keep up.

Hardware: The gunmen have an older-model Mac Powerbook, and a no-name laptop in their hotelroom. The Mac powerbook in question is running a Linux X-Windows system, which looks to be KDE. When Kimmy arrives to show them the DoD secrets Yves was after, he pulls out one of the new Macintosh Titanium powerbooks (widescreen), however, once again, he's not running the Mac OS, he is running some version of X-Windows. The face-recognition software Langly and Kimmy were using in the van was running a Mac GUI.

Media: A whole lotta Tango! All of them performed by the session musicians, the titles include: "Gypsy Tango," "Tango de la Pasion," "Tango Boca," "Tango Romantico," "Argentina," "Mystery Tango," "Tango Nervioso," "El Machista," "Nuevo Tango," "Tango a la Tuna," and "Passionate Tango."

Pop-Culture Points: The Title translates from Spanish to "Tango of the Gunmen." In the scene where they are trying out for the dance competition, Langly is seen on his knees, banging his hands and head against a chair. This is a spoof of a scene in "Flashdance" where the lead expresses her frustrations at having to strip to make a living by doing that very thing in one of her dances. When Kimmy mentions that Sadam Hussein could build a Cesna out of the new alloy and fly it into the White House, he is referring to the September 11, 1994 incident where a mentally unstable man by the name of Frank Eugene Corder did just that.