Drinking Game Points:

• Intro having nothing to do with the episode itself (1)
• Yves walks down the hall, hips swingin' - returning from clerk's office (1)
• One of the Gunmen should logically be dead by the end of the episode - Walsh would not have let them live knowing the truth (3)
• Yves and Jimmy act the couple - in the visitation room (1)
• Byers has that cute, little-boy-lost expression on his face -- you better just start drinking as soon as he gets into jail!

Total Points: 7+

The Lone Gunmen

Episode #8 (1AEB07)
Maximum Byers

First aired: April 13, 2001

Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, a cruise ship is preparing for an evening show. On the upper deck, Langly is leaning against the railing in a bermuda shirt, with a mai tai in hand. Stageside, Frohike is trying not to be distracted by the showgirls who have just finished up their set. However, as a white rhinestone-studded jumpsuit-clad man makes his way backstage, Langly tells Frohike to perk up--the mark is on his way. Frohike loses the beret, and Byers, in an adorable blue-collar getup, trails behind the man in question. Passing by what he thinks to be a mirror, "Elvis" stops, and carefully adjusts himself in the mirror, unsure of something. For it turns out, he's a little old, and the Elvis in the mirror is young and hunky. As he leans in to inspect, the young hunky Elvis lifts up his shades and apologizes--it's Jimmy! Before the old Elvis can react, Byers has popped him in the shoulder with a knock-out drug. In order to keep the show (and the cover) going, Jimmy runs out on stage and proceeds to do quite a good impersonation. Meanwhile, backstage, Frohike and Byers are running the man's fingerprints, but in handling his hands, finds that a makeup-like substance has come off. Byers wipes some more of the makeup off the man's cheeks, it turns out he's not Elvis--he's really Thomas Ames in whiteface, wanted for wire fraud and embezzlement. It doesn't take long for Byers and Frohike to figure out that Jimmy might be in some trouble. Just as he finishes up "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hounddog," the federal agents step forward from the crowd and slap the cuffs on him.

Back at Gunmen HQ, Langly is reading over the latest edition, "Marshals Nab 'Elvis' Embezzler." Jimmy is trying to cheer him up, but Langly isn't very happy--among other things, Jimmy is still wearing the Elvis wig. Langly doesn't take failure well, but Byers and Frohike try to cheer him up--it was a legitimate mistake, the man has all of the same vital stats as Elvis, except this guy happened to be black. Just as Langly begins to lose his faith that Elvis is alive--the doorbuzzer sounds. Frohike answers the door to see a little old lady who greets him by his first name and introduces herself as Alberta Pfieffer. She rushes in, greeting everyone warmly, and is followed by a somewhat less enthusiastic gentleman in a suit. Ms. Pfieffer is particularly happy to see Byers, she has loved every word he's ever written. It turns out she's a reader--from the very first issue. She's come to them because her son is on death row in Texas (of course), about to be executed for the crime of murder, and she needs their help. The man in the suit is less than thrilled with her decision to seek out their help--he's Douglas's lawyer, Jeremy Walsh. She's convinced he's not guilty, she wants the Gunmen to talk to Douglas, seeing as how the only person he's seeing is Mr. Walsh. The lawyer explains that Douglas wants to streamline the appeals process and move forward with the execution as soon as possible. His mother is upset because he originally plead not guilty, and he fought the conviction, but suddenly, he's stopped fighting. She's convinced there's a conspiracy afoot, and that the Gunmen are the only ones who can save him. She leaves in tears and Frohike tries to explain to Jimmy that there's not an awful lot they can do to see Pfieffer. Jimmy is adamant that they can sneak into prison and get an interview because The A-Team did it. Of course, none of the Gunmen are former special-forces mercenaries with years of combat and fugitive experience, but Jimmy isn't really factoring that in. Byers decides it's a good idea to try and prove the man's innocence.

It's a grey day at the Harris County Courthouse. Orange-jumpsuit-clad inmates shuffle towards a prison bus, and behind a wall, Byers and Jimmy take off their overclothes to reveal orange jumpsuits of their own, and then Byers produces some industrial-looking manacles, the origin of which are probably best left unasked. In the van, Langly is hacking as fast as he can to reserve Byers and Jimmy a spot on the bus. The warden is a little surprised at their arrival, but on checking his attendence screen, Langly's hack job blinks onto the bottom, J. Wesley (Byers) and J. Dillinger (Jimmy) are now reporting for transport.

The boys shuffle in to the Death Row Unit in East Livingston, Texas. They get their teeth and... cheeks checked. Then they head into the showers, and are hosed off, and finally, given white jumpsuits and brought into their cellblock--G-Wing Ad-Seg (Administrative Segregation) where they will remain for the first six months of their confinement. They are given Inmate Orientation Handbooks, and are threatened, and finally, they are locked down. Byers is looking a little upset at his circumstance, and it's dawning on Jimmy that real life isn't always like T.V. The pity party is cut short, however, by the man in the cell across the hallway. He's looking for "Jiminy" -- his cockroach. Jimmy tries to ask the man in cell 10 if he can assist in retrieving the lost cockroach, but the man in cell 10 simply extinguishes his cigarette onto the cockroach's back, killing it. Jimmy gets upset because he doesn't like jerks.

It's after dark and Langly and Frohike are trying to gain entrance to Wally's Burgers in North Houston, Texas. Frohike is working the lock while Langly offers his own brand of encouragement. Frohike didn't know the place had been gutted, but he's very determined to see what's there. However, they are surprised by a local glass shop owner from two doors down who has problems with them trying to break into a store, gutted or no. Frohike explains that they are investigative reporters looking into the murder of the Wally Burger owner--they think the man convicted might be innocent. To this, the neighborhood watch replies indignantly that he most certainly is not innocent--because he saw the murder with his own eyes, and there was no room for doubt. Not only was he a murderer, he was a cold-blooded murderer at that.

It's 7:04am, and the fellow across the hallway has found himself a new cockroach to replace the cockroach killed the day before. Byers tries to get the guy in cell 10 to talk about Douglas Pfieffer, but the man says nothing. An orderly comes around with tray and explains that the man, Lowery, doesn't speak. He has a really bad lisp, and so he doesn't talk. Byers asks the orderly about Douglas Pfieffer, and is told that he's in the infirmary--he was beaten up pretty severely.

Over at the Sam Houston Motor Lodge in Goodrich, Texas, Yves has shown up in their hour of need. She questions their mental capacity--posing as prisoners when they could have posed as guards or attorneys or official visitors from the governor's office. But, as Langly puts it so eloquently, "That's not how they did it on the A-Team." Anyhow, they need Yves to go in as a visitor so that she can pass Byers some equipment. Byers is now being watched closely and Langly and Frohike are on the outs because Langly got caught with some technology on the pat-down, and the name of said technology, "Firewire," didn't really pass with the guards. So they need Yves to slip Jimmy something--because she's a girl.

Byers needs to get into the infirmary, but Jimmy's a little worried--Byers is the sensitive bookish type, not a fighter, and the only way Byers can get into the infirmary without raising suspicion or be sent to the head shrinker is if he gets in a fight. Just then, Byers and Lowery (cell 10) are taken out for recreation. They are ushered into a fenced area, and Lowery proceeds to do push-ups, on his knuckles. Byers, in an attempt to egg him into fighting, speaks to him in a lisp. Lowery threatens him by slamming the cage, but backs off.

Meanwhile, Yves, in full white-trash getup, is now on her way into the visitation room. She signs in and gives the guard a coy look then heads over to the waiting area. Outside, rec time is over and Byers and Lowery are once again handcuffed. As the guards go back inside to leer at Yves, Byers taunts Lowery a little more, but the guards have disappeared inside, and Lowery attacks. Byers didn't stand much of a chance, needless to say.

Back in the cell block, Jimmy is a little concerned that Byers hasn't come back, but the guard informs him that Byers is now in the infirmary... and Jimmy has a visitor. Confused, Jimmy heads out to the visitation room and is surprised to see Yves behind the glass. There's a little conversation between the two, and then Yves decides to get him a bag of Cheetos. She walks over to the vending machine, but palms the vending machine bag for the one under her jacket. Jimmy doesn't quite understand that he needs to keep the Cheetos, but Yves manages to convince him they're worth keeping.

Back in the infirmary, Byers is looking a little worse for wear. He goes over to Douglas Pfifer's bed and introduces himself, and tells Pfieffer he wants to help him get out. But, Pfieffer is a little different from the glowing testamony of his mother, and refuses Byers's help with a not-so-subtle threat.

Jimmy is back in his cell, and has found a tiny little transmitter inside the bag. The cockroach man across the hallway make an amiable offering of a cockroach to Jimmy, and the two have a very deep, touching, Buddhist discussion about cockroach reincarnation. Cockroach man then mentions that he's in for murder.

Back at the Sam Houston Motor Lodge, Langly and Frohike have been looking into Douglas Pfieffer's savings account--he has $26,056.34 in savings, yet he robbed a burger joint for a $138. They imagine that it was a contract killing--Langly backtraced the deposits in Pfieffer's account through three separate shells before he finally found the benefactor to be Brazo's Holdings--which happens to now own the restaraunt that Pfieffer robbed. Frohike figures its a land grab, and as Langly pulls down the company information for Brazo's Holdings, they discover the man behind it all is Jeremy Walsh--Douglas's lawyer. (There are 12 listed employees to Brazo's Holdings--I wonder if Pfieffer was listed as one of them?)

Langly and Frohike finally have a chance to contact Jimmy. Jimmy explains that Byers got into a fight and is in the infirmary talking to Pfieffer, but Frohike tells Jimmy that he needs to get word to Byers that Pfieffer is guilty, and Walsh is behind it. Frohike then explains that there is a fellow on death row who is innocent--Wallace Krendel Atherton. They believe Walsh framed Atherton for the murder of mechanic Michael Huley who wouldn't sell his shop. Before Frohike can explain any further, a guard comes by and almost discovers Jimmy with the communications device--but cockroach man alerts Jimmy in time to get the thing hidden. Jimmy then learns that cockroach man is none other than Wallace Krendel Atherton.

Back in the infirmary, Douglas is ready to talk to Byers. He's trying to explain that he would do anything for his mother, without actually confessing to the murder. Meanwhile, Frohike and Langly are nearing wits' end trying to find a way of freeing Atherton. However, their conversation is interrupted by Walsh at the door, who maybe heard more than he was supposed to. Walsh is a little suspicious, and unfortunately, Langly isn't a very good liar. As they try to play it cool, Yves returns to the motor home and makes him a little more suspicious. He just stopped by to say that Douglas's execution was proceeding, and the day after tomorrow he will cease to be. It turns out Yves is quite a little Erin Brokovich, going through a clerk's files in an attempt to weed out injustice. She's even got the cleavage for it! At any rate, Walsh had been making deposits to Pfieffer's account--while his own execution is not an issue--how much money will be left to his mother is quite another. But, bless their trusting hearts, while they discuss that matter, as well as the Atherton issue, they don't realize that Walsh is evesdropping outside of the front door. The boys discuss the need to send a message to Byers and Jimmy, and Walsh gets a grim, determined look on his face.

Back in the cell block, Jimmy passes a note to the orderly, hoping it will get to Byers. Jimmy... the anti-Mulder, trusts everyone without thinking twice. Jimmy then tells Atherton that he knows he's innocent and asks him what he would do if he were a free man. Atherton then explains that he would devote his life to caring for those that can't help themselves... the mistreated... the cockroaches.

Walsh is meeting with Lowery, and wants Lowery to kill Douglas before he can make it to death watch.

Langly and Frohike are a little upset that Jimmy thought he could trust the orderly, but they have less than 8 hours before the execution. Frohike promises Jimmy that they will get out okay, but doesn't really go into that in detail.

In the infirmary, Pfieffer is declared healthy enough to execute. Byers is starting to get a little desperate, not knowing that Pfieffer is really guilty. However, he is interrupted by the orderly, who slips him the note. Pfieffer gets ready to leave the infirmary, and Byers unwraps the note from Jimmy:

He's guilty. The lawyer is, too. He needs to confess to save an innocent man. Sorry, John."

Byers leaps into action--and tells Pfieffer to tell the truth about Walsh... but one bed over, Lowery readies his handmade knife to use against Pfieffer. Lowery attacks, but Byers saves Pfieffer with a bedpan. Pfieffer is ushered out, and Byers is instructed to come with the guards. Meanwhile, inmate 999-0962 (Jimmy) is told that there was a problem with his transfer order, and he is told to follow the guards. On his way out, he tries to convince the guards the Atherton is innocent, but they're not really buying it. They lead him out to where two men in corrections uniforms stand waiting with paperwork--it's Langly and Frohike! Langly was able to hack into the computers and inform the prison that Jimmy is a peeping tom, not a murderer, and doesn't belong in a high-security prison, much less death row. Although they don't say what Byers was in for, they managed to pull a similar stunt with Byers, and all four leave the prison free men.

From the waiting room, Walsh has been kept waiting for over 40 minutes--and tries to play dumb when the guard tells him that Douglas was attacked. However, the transfer to death watch is not going to proceed, because Douglas, a little miffed at having his execution schedule pushed up, confessed that Walsh hired him to perform 2 murders, not just one. Walsh is arrested, and the next issue of The Lone Gunmen (The newsletter for those who want to stay informed and alive) spins into sight. Headline: "Lying Lawyer Convicted." I guess Lying makes a better banner than "Murdering" but hey, it's their paper. Afterwards, they put out an issue "Death Row Inmate Freed: State Awards Multi-Million Dollar Settlement." Mr. Atherton has been vindicated, and promptly sets to work creating the Roach Rescue Clinic. Finally, the "EXTRA!" edition of The Lone Gunmen lets us all know that the Pfieffer execution is set for midnight. Can't win 'em all. As Pfieffer walks down death row, he passes by the jail cell holding Walsh. Outside of the prison, a corrections van pulls up to the gates to inform the gathered crowd that at 12:01 A.M, Douglas Robert Pfeiffer died. Byers is in the crowd, and seeks out Mrs. Pfeiffer in order to console her, but she slaps him and takes off. I guess she'll be cancelling her subscription. Jimmy then imparts the cockroach nirvana theory to Byers, who probably isn't comforted by this, but at least pretends to be.

Hardware: In the van, Langly is using his trusty Gnome-Linux laptop to break Byers and Jimmy into jail. It appears to be running on an IBM Thinkpad.

Media: Pretty simple: In the opening scene, Jimmy is singing Elvis Presley's "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog", and as the boys arrive in the slammer, "Jailhouse Rock" (also by Presley) is playing.

Pop-Culture Points: The title is a reference to the Elmore Leonard book "Maximum Bob," regarding a redneck Florida judge and the deaththreats made against him. When Jimmy makes the speech about the A-Team, he is referring to episode #4 "Pros and Cons." There is a bit of confusion, the A-Team didn't "sneak" into the prison in that ep--they had themselves arrested. Hannibal does a delightful job playing a hairdresser convict, and Faceman works from the outside as Prison Reform theorist Dr. Pepper. Great episode. Anyhow, the beauty of it is (deliciously ironic)--Langly berates Jimmy saying that "every half-baked TV series that runs out of ideas in the fourth or fifth season does their 'sneak into prison dressed as an inmate' show." The A-Team ep being referred was not only in the first season (just like Gunmen), but, at episode #4, that plot device was released earlier than on LGM! And, let's not forget that the A-Team went on to five glorious, Face-a-licious years on the air, providing many stunt men and stunt drivers with work. (Getting nostalgic). Ahem. Okay. In the scene where Atherton's cockroach Jiminy is mercilessly scortched by Lowery, that's a spoof of a similar scene in the 1999 Frank Darabont movie The Green Mile involving a mouse. The Sam Houston Motor Lodge where Langly and Frohike were stationed--that's the same motor lodge that was in the X-Files episode Bad Blood about the vampires.