Drinking Game Points:

• Gravity asserts its mastery over Frohike:
  1. When he and Langly are on top of the umbrella (1)
  2. When Bobo knocks him out and sends him out of the habitat (1)
• Gravity asserts its mastery over Langly - on the Umbrella with Frohike (2)
• Jimmy does something smart - Recognizes Peanuts and gets him back to the zoo (CHUG!)
• One of the Gunmen should logically be dead by the end of the episode - Byers probably would have been shot by the secret service agents--and I really have a hard time believing the Army would have let the Gunmen live since they knew the existence of Peanuts. (5)
• Langly can't hack something (suggested help from Peanuts) - Trying to hack the Boulle Labs (1)
• Meaningful glance between Yves and Jimmy - At the end, when Yves realizes he's not such a big dummy after all. (1)
• Byers has that cute, little-boy-lost expression on his face
  1. When Jimmy figures out that the monkey behind the fence is Peanuts (1)
  2. When Jimmy reveals that Bobo is really Peanuts (1)
• The Gunmen are wearing their all-black sneakster outfits - The entire ep! Yummy! (1)

Total Points: 15

The Lone Gunmen

Episode #7 (1AEB07)
Planet of the Frohikes
(or, A Short History of My Demeaning Captivity)

First aired: April 6, 2001

The episode opens on the Boulle Behavioral Laboratory in Richmond, Massachusetts. A man in a white lab coat enters a high security room with the sign "No Food Past This Point." Inside, Hamlet's famous soliloquy (Act 3, Scene 1) as read by Edward Woodward, is being played from an tape reel. The doctor grabs a folder and begins to walk around the room, which is populated by 13 monkeys, all pounding on computer keyboards, writing gibberish to the screen. However, at the end of the table, one monkey appears to be doing quite well, in fact, he's typing the script of Hamlet verbatum. Shocked, the doctor drops his notepad and rushes from the room. When he returns, with three other scientists in tow, there is no evidence of Hamlet on the screen, just more gibberish. As the doctor and colleagues leave the room, the monkey closes out the gibberish document and begins to write anew: "A Short History of My Demeaning Captivity."

At the Portsmouth Hotel in Baltimore, Maryland, Yves--in full femme fatale mode--is sipping a dry martini with two olives as a Frenchman puts the moves on her. She accepts his lame pickup lines, then hands him a hotel room key, and takes off. She lets herself into the hotel room (a suite), and picks up a bottle of champaign, moving it over to the couch area. She turns on some makeout music, then pulls a vial of sodium penthonol out of her purse, loads it into a cartridge, and hides it behind the couch's pillow. When she turns around, Frohike is walking into the room, with a rather benign greeting. Yves is more than a little pissed, she wants to know how they found her. It turns out that she used the name Sara Lee Hwoyveld to check into her hotel room, and Langly just happened to create a program that checks for anagrams for Lee Harvey Oswald. They tracked her down in order to explain an email they received--thinking that she is playing another one of her tricks on them. The door opens, and the Frenchman walks in, noticing the other two guys, he excuses himself discretely, saying something to the effect of "This is not my strength" and Yves is now seriously pissed. It seems they cost her quite a sum of money, once again. She heads out to the balcony, takes off her shoes, and starts scaling the wall. She informs the boys that there are three men riding up the elevator and they are going to kill everyone in the suite when they get there. That said, she continues climbing, and Langly and Frohike take half a moment to decide if she's telling the truth, and, just as she said, three men head towards suite 725. Frohike instructs Langly to grab every sheet and towel he can find. The three men break through the door and head for the balcony, only to discover a rope made of bedsheets leading down, and no Langly or Frohike in sight. Disappointed, they take off, but Langly and Frohike didn't use the bedsheets--they were hiding out the entire time on the top of the patio umbrella. Of course, it collapses, and Yves appears one story up on the roof to survey the wreckage.

Back at Gunmen HQ, Frohike is nursing a bump on his head, and Yves is trying to make them feel particularly bad because they have botched some very important work of hers. She's not giving any details, because she feels they owe her an explanation. Frohike asks her if she sent them a certain email which he displays, and she is upset because she doesn't know what they're talking about. It dawns on Langly that she honestly doesn't know, and so they apologize for bothering her. Yves is now in homicidal mode. Byers timidly explains that they received an email with an attached audio clip: "Gentlemen, I'm in desperate need of help. I'm familiar with the work you do, defending democracy in all its forms, therefore, I beg you to consider my situation. I am, for lack of a better word, a slave. I am being held captive by a cadre of government scientists, who work for the Department of Defense. The subject me to a daily regimen of humiliating tests which rob me of my dignity. And, I am not alone. There are many others just like me. We are victims of experimentation meant to alter the structure of our brains. Don't allow me to die in this hateful and immoral captivity. Please, help me to escape." Jimmy asks her what she thinks, and Yves can only reply that she thinks it's Edward Woodward, the actor. She imagines someone is playing a prank on them. According to the text attachment, the person who sent the email claims that the scientists call him by a slave name: Peanuts. He requests a pair of bolt cutters be brought to the Boulle Behavioral Laboratory's western fence at 1:00 on Friday afternoon, where he will be waiting. Langly backtraced the email to the Boulle laboratory, but he couldn't get past the server's firewall. The Gunmen decide to go for it, and Yves decides that she is going to come with them--since they owe her bigtime.

At the Boulle Laboratory, Dr. Hasslip is spelling out his name using colorforms. Six monkeys of waning interest sit before him. Dr. Hasslip then endeavors to put up the names of the monkeys, he starts with Peanuts, which he tacks up under his own name. He is still convinced that Peanuts is the smart monkey of the bunch, but Peanuts is playing it cool. The session is interrupted by a soldier, who asks the doctor to step outside. As the doctor leaves the room, Peanuts gets off of his chair and heads to the colorforms, where he proceeds to re-arrange the letters. Outside, Dr. Hasslip is learning that an unauthorized email was sent from the lab, and that Hasslip's password was used. However, they know that Hasslip did not send the email himself because he was accounted for. Hasslip returns to the room, only to discover that the colorforms now read "Doctor Asslips a Nut." Peanuts is trying to keep a straight face.

It's three minutes to one, and the Gunmen are hanging out in the wooded area behind the western fence. Behind the fence is a small concrete playground. The door opens, and a handful of chimps are ushered out. Jimmy figures out that the chimp waiting at the fence is Peanuts. After all, the monkey is looking right at them, and then he starts waving. Yves is taking him somewhat seriously, but she's playing her cards close to her chest. Jimmy grabs to bolt cutters and heads to the fence. Carefully, he cuts the bolt and opens the door, but for a moment, Peanuts doesn't do anything. Just as Jimmy is getting a little afraid, Peanuts makes a run for it, knocking back Jimmy, who hits his head against a stone and is out cold. The monkey supervisor notices, and the conscious Gunmen make a run for it. They hit the van and take off, making sure that the switch that brings up the license plate (TSD 596) is on. The van roars away, and they're feeling a little upset for leaving Jimmy behind. However, Yves informs them that they are not alone, Peanuts has stowed away in the van!

The Gunmen hide out on a farm, and the authorities are apparently too stupid to check the barns. If the boys leave, they'll be spotted, but they need to rescue Jimmy. But Frohike thinks that maybe Jimmy was right--that Peanuts really is a super-intelligent government experiment chimp, and Yves knew about the Boulle lab and that's why she wanted to come along so badly. So, she tells them not to ask her--to ask the chimp (of course!). What follows is rather sad--like when one kid convinces another kid to eat dirt--the Gunmen attempt to get the chimp to talk. Unfortunately, none of them seem to realize that monkeys don't have human vocal chords, and are incapable of speech.

Back at the Boulle Labs, Jimmy is being interrogated by a couple of M.P.'s (not Mighty Ponygirl--Military Police!), and he comes up with a truly brilliant lie. I think one of the most rewarding one-liners to come out of his mouth yet. He claims to be a part of a grass-roots organization determined to set free all captive monkeys. Jimmy is trying to convince them that he is the only one in the group, but not doing a very good job of it.

In the barn, Langly is now working hard at cracking the lab's security system--figuring he might be able to get the floorplans from the building contractor who built the place. Peanuts, meanwhile, is not really helping matters, so Frohike relocates him to another table. However, as soon as he's been set down, Peanuts takes off--and Frohike quickly realizes the chimp took his keys! Peanuts is making a fast break for the van (parked outside in plain sight, not too bright considering there probably aren't too many rusted-out, green-and-white VW Microbuses in the area). He hops inside and starts to work the ignition, but Yves intercepts him, and they bring him back to the barn, figuring that he is in fact a smart chimp. However, it takes Yves to inform them that he's not capable of actually speaking. Yves suggests giving him something to type on, and thus hands him Langly's thinkpad. Peanuts then proceeds to type away, and downloads a voice-synth program. They congratulate him, but he's not a very happy monkey, first of all, he doesn't like being called "Peanuts." His preferred name is "Simon Whitethatch Potentloins." He then confesses to having sent the email, and he ran from Jimmy because Jimmy was "rather frightening." He's also a little pissed about the attitude the Gunmen had been giving him--although he kind of started it. Frohike now wants to know exactly what Yves knows--It turns out she doesn't know much more than rumor. The government wants to create the perfect undercover agent, an animal as intelligent a human. Something that could spy without even being suspected. Chimps would be the logical starting point, since they are the closest (genetically speaking) to humans. From there, the scientists hope to work their way down the evolutionary ladder, with the idea that they could then produce a dog or a cat that could perform covert operations for the U.S. Government. Unfortunately, the government can create a super-intelligent animal, but they cannot be assured of its loyalty.

Back at the Boulle labs, Dr. Hasslip is trying to convince Jimmy that the labs are treating the animals very well. Jimmy is introduced to Zouzou, a female monkey with aspirations to be a hairdresser. Dr. Hasslip explains that the female chimps don't interract with males much (I guess he doesn't really count himself), since it distracts them. Jimmy takes issue with this, then lets the name "Peanuts" escape his lips, not realizing that the name of the AWOL chimp had not yet been disclosed by Dr. Hasslip. Once again, Jimmy tries to play it cool. But the Doctor knows that Peanuts was able to email them, and that he is the smart monkey. He then informs Jimmy that he is to help bring Peanuts back--because it's the right thing to do for the country.

Peanuts is not really interested in being the Gunmen's next cover story, he just wanted to escape the labs. However, when Yves reminds him that he owes them, he suggests something better, a super-intelligent chimp who has already been deployed by the Russians. This trained assassin is known by the name "Bobo," and he is planning a political assassination the next day.

Langly pulls up an online newpaper and confirms that a French Trade Minister is in fact visiting the US for talks. It turns out that the minister and his family are planning a visit to the National Zoo. Byers, Frohike, and Yves decide that they're the only ones who can stop Bobo, and leave Langly and Peanuts/Simon back at the barn. Langly is a little upset because Byers suggest that the chimp help him hack the lab network. So, when they leave, Langly pulls out a large quanitity of rope and explains to Peanuts/Simon that he's going to make him a tire swing. Peanuts/Simon is not impressed.

Dawn at the Boulle Labs--Jimmy has been spending the night in a very large cage. But, he's still not going to assist in finding Peanuts. But, the lab just received an email ransom demand for Peanuts. The boys at the lab were able to trace the cell signal. A Transcontinental Express van pulls away from the farm just as the M.P.s pull up. Inside is Langly, bound and gagged upside down from the rafters. He's not very happy. Inside the Transcontinental Express van, Peanuts is making his escape, heading for the zoo.

At the zoo, Byers is keeping an eye on the minister. Inside the primate house, Yves and Frohike have broken in, and are preparing to bring down the killer chimp. Frohike locates a chimp sitting alone in a cell, but Yves finds a clipboard on the wall and informs him that it can't be Bobo--it's a female chimp. She becomes puzzled as she realizes that the chimp is a recent acquisition, donated by the Boulle Behavioral Lab. Frohike is a little confused--it turns out that there is another chimp in the habitat, a male--named Bobo. The two are being given some privacy in the hopes they breed. Trying to figure out where Bobo is, Frohike is surprised by an attack from above, and sent down the concrete exit to the outside habitat--out cold. Byers can't help but notice Frohike dangling out of the cement exit, but Yves assures him that she has everything under control. She retrieves Bobo and Frohike, and tells him to rendezvous at the rear gate. Just as the foreign minister approaches the primate house, Byers can't help but notice that another chimp is headed out to meet him, banana in hand. Byers panics and rushes the foreign minister, but it turns out that, as Freud would have put it, sometimes a banana is just a banana, and Byers is apprehended by the French secret service and severely beaten (In the background, as the chimp unwraps the banana, you can see the secret service agent repeatedly kicking Byers).

Frohike wakes up to discover Bobo playing with his nose. Yves is not alarmed, because Bobo is a big dummy--Peanuts told a wild tale and they fell for it. Byers is in federal custody, along with Langly and Jimmy. Yves is now piecing together exactly how Peanuts played them, but she hasn't determined why. All she knows is that the Army would be interested in a trade, Langly, Byers and Jimmy for Peanuts. And so, the trade is set up, and the boys are handcuffed and brought out. Yves delivers the goods, but Dr. Hasslip is a bit leery, and discovers that it isn't really Peanuts. But then, Jimmy spills the beans. Peanuts is at the National Zoo, Byers told Jimmy, and now, in order to avoid prison, Jimmy is telling Dr. Hasslip where to find Peanuts. The other Gunmen are a little miffed at him for betraying Peanuts, but Jimmy isn't apologizing. The boys are ushered into the primate house at the Washington Zoo, where Dr. Hasslip hopes to return Bobo and pick up Peanuts. The rogue chimp secured, Dr. Hasslip takes off and informs the Gunmen that if they ever come near the Boulle Labs again, they'll be shot. The Gunmen are now really pissed at Jimmy, but Jimmy calmly sets the computer in front of the chimp that they think is Bobo, and Peanuts reveals that it was he all along. Jimmy was the only one who knew how he really was. Peanuts/Simon's plan was for the Army to deliver him to the Zoo and leave him in peace--with Lady Bonkers. He doesn't care that he'll spend the rest of his life in a cage, because at least he'll be living with the love of his life.

Hardware: At the Boulle labs, the monkeys were using Windows machines. Similarly, the computer that Langly used to play the email's attached speech file was a windows platform (while the taskbar was hidden, there was a Microsoft Office start bar across the top of the screen).

Media: In the opening and final scenes, the reggae song "Monkey Man" by Toots and the Maytals is playing in the background.

Pop-Culture Points: The title of the episode is a nod to 1968 blockbuster "Planet of the Apes," directed by Franklin J. Schaffner. As for the conspiracy theory, there are speculations that Soviet scientists have been able to successfully train dolphins to sabotage enemy naval vessels as well as perform underwater search and recovery missions, and there is an awful lot of research being done on just how intelligent monkeys can be--seeing as how they can be trained to communicate in sign language, it's not unheard of to think that they could be trained to type, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was going on at all (of course, this whole page could really have been done by Mighty Monkeygirl, but that's for you to ponder!)